When you bump into a guy on the road there is a 72.1 percent chance that the guy will turn out to be a football fan. Well owing to its popularity, it is not at all surprising that you just believed the made up fact i stated. The Fédération Internationale de Football Association or FIFA has 209 recognized member countries compared to 193 in the UN or 196 recognized worldwide. Despite how ridiculous this sounds, this fact is not fictitious at all. So, basically there are more football fans than lovers of peace and more FIFA members than actual existence.
Coming back to the point; the exceptional popularity of the sport is the reason there exists an absurd amount of football fans throughout the world. Following are the different types of football fans you might find sitting right across the table.
1) The ‘I am better than you’ type
There is quite a major chunk of football fans that know quite a lot about football than the casual spectators and some of them are highly judgmental. These kind of fans can immediately label you as ‘petty human’ in the darkest corners of their mind if your footballing knowledge is inferior to theirs. To them your opinion matters as much as the rest of the world matters to Kim Jong Un. Trusting you is just off the table, even if you were his only chance of surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.
2) The ‘Society of Pessimism’
From the owners to the managers; from the coaches to the players; from the head cook to the janitors; literally nobody can do right by them. They will whine about anything under the sun. There can be no perfect match, no perfect victory for them. Even if their team wins, they can be heard complaining in the background about an XYZ player that didn’t play upto the mark. They are the clouds of gloom on earth.
3) The ‘Next year is our year’
Contrary to the above mentioned category, these fans are ever optimistic. Their tainted glasses of mediocrity fail to notice the average reality of their average team. Culpable of making legends out of players people generally laugh at. You should just listen to them blabbering around in sports bars and showing off their limited knowledge. That is, until they mathematically fall behind the league leaders or get knocked out of a championship. Such kind of people can be heard chanting in the background – ‘Next year is our year!’
4) The ‘Euro’s are starting…come on Messi!’
These are the kind of fans that just want to look cool in front of others by pretending to watch football. Miles inferior in knowledge than the casual football fans, these people often tend to mess up the facts. They are more into national football than the club leagues. The words ‘Copa America’ is probably a name of currency to them. It is advised to stay away from such kind of fans as experiments suggest that the company of these results in lower IQ.
5) The ‘Oh… you mean soccer’ type
This variety of fans generally inhabit the greater part of North America but can also be found discreetly in different parts of the world. They believe that football is played with an egg shaped ball. To them etymology of football is apparently an alien concept which is why they have come up with an entirely new game called soccer!
So, what do you think of the list? Did I miss any? Feel free to comment.
Ali Shaan Haider
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